…But Where Are Your Girlfriends?

This is the question I posed to the lady I met in the sauna. I had no idea she was in there and reset the timer for 15 minutes. Apparently she didn’t mind and may have been happy to have some company.

I say apparently because a few seconds after our introduction and my settling into the steam room she began to tell me about her husband who had left her after 25 years. She said it was unexpected, and 5 years later, as it had been, she was still in shock.

She told me how he was living with another woman and had told their friends and acquaintances that they were divorced. In fact, she told me, they had not even filed for divorce. She had not been interested in applying partly because she was hoping they could be together and partly because his pay was still being deposited into their joint account. He was still paying for her living and she was covered under his insurance. I had to agree with her as she had no impetus to file and acquire the expenses of divorce. She had been a housewife for the last 20 years.

She knew where he allegedly lived. He promised her that he was living alone and that if he ever started dating he would let her know. She had no interest in dating and was pining away for him still. Five whole years later.

My question after she unloaded her story and filled in the details was, “Where are your girlfriends?!”

I can tell you right now there are three ladies that I would call and would call me should we find ourselves in the same situation. I know among my friends I wouldn’t have finished the story before we were in the car with binoculars, snacks and fully charged phones. The research would commence, social media passwords and all.

Sure some (probably a man) would say that it’s not necessary, that we should just forget about it and move on. Surely, no woman who has ever truly loved a man would advise this.

I pointed out that I only have three of these type of ladies in my life. The sad truth is you can’t share your bad times with every one. You need people who you can speak to freely without having to keep up the veneer you present to others. You may need to cry and be ugly, and if you’ve every had one of these cries you know only a special few can see you this way.

Me and my three don’t talk every day. Two of them don’t live in the state (although one is moving here soon!!) and the one who does lives an hour away. Yet in still I know if I pick up the phone and they hear that tone in my voice they will pause their TV’s and give me their ear. They also know I will do the same for them. We hear each other out through the anger and the confusion. We try to answer the questions, even the ones that may not have answers. Ugly truth and all these are my friends and I am theirs.

I didn’t meet them until I was grown and in college, which is when you need them the most! Sure, there were others around but these three have stuck. They came in my life at just the right time and despite time and parenthood and distance we’re all just a phone call away.