Ridding Myself Of The Mom Guilt Fest – For The New Year

My mom called to ask if I wanted to go to Watchnight service with her last year (about a week ago actually).  She had planned to go to the 7 o’clock service and be in the house well before midnight.  To most people this wouldn’t be an issue.  Either you want to go, or you don’t.  It was a stepping stone for me.

I’ve never heard the term “momma’s girl”.  Maybe because it’s just taken for granted that girls will try to please their mothers? My whole adult and teenage life I had the aching feeling that my mother was never proud enough.  I always felt the need to do more and better so that one day she would be proud enough of me.  I would say yes, even when I didn’t want to, I would find myself angry with my children because of some event that I had obligated myself to because she wanted her grandchildren there, which meant I better be there too.

Will I say it was all in my head? Sure I’ll take that hit, however if your mother has ever made you feel guilty about anything in your life then maybe you can understand where I’m coming from.

Mind you, I grew up going to Watchnight service.  It was just understood, every New Years Eve would be spent in The House Of The Lord.  No questions asked.  No fake champagne for us, not until we got home from church.  It’s all good.  It was all for my benefit.  As a adult, now I choose not to.  I just don’t believe God is taking point of my Book of Life tab because I don’t go to church on NYE.  The fact of the matter is all of our holidays are man made and we apply the pressure to ourselves to live up to these things.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the holiday season! From my birthday until New Years I am a glowing ball of Christmas lights, so I’m not bashing the holidays, nor am I condemning anyone to hell who chooses to celebrate.

I discussed my feeling with my husband and he said if that’s not how I feel anymore I should let her know that and not force myself to go and be miserable.

Here’s the thing, my husband is totally free of worry of what anyone else thinks.  He is the ideal mate, friend, husband in that as long as me and the kids are good he has little regard for other’s feelings.  Not to say he is a curmudgeon or negligent of his family, but he has demonstrated that his wife and kids are priority and he and I together have the final say.  I’m not sure if this is a skill that is easier for men ( I do have son now) but I will admit it has taken a while for me to adapt to this mindset.

So I mustered up all my mom-guilt repelant and told my mother that I would rather spend the night in the house with my kids.  Of course, I got that tone of voice, you know that tone, meant to make you feel like you just sliced her heart open (for crying out loud).

I was hurting on the inside but kept on going about my day.  And you know what, she called me back! Asking a totally different question which led to a pleasant conversation and a life affirming moment for me.  Now if I can just remember all of this when it’s my turn.